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If you want your child to tell you things ... don't question him!

If you want your child to tell you things ... don't question him!


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"Have you played with Marta today?", "What have you eaten at school?", "Has the teacher scolded a child?" ... As soon as we leave school, we subject our children to such a battalion of questions. than not even a third grade.

In our quest to find out how he did in school, if he was good in class, or if he has a good relationship with the other children, we tend to question him. We corner and overwhelm him and in the end we get little. And it is that, If you want your child to tell you things, the last thing you should do is question him.

Remember those movies in which a police officer subjects a suspect to a harsh interrogation? A spotlight points to the face of the alleged culprit while a tough officer tries to make him confess everything he knows. In a humorous way, it could be a comparison of what we usually do every afternoon when leaving school with our children.

Far from starting a fun and bi-directional conversation, we often tend to corner them with hundreds of questions, especially if the child is reserved and does not like to tell their experiences. You will have observed that it does not work and that you do not get more than "good", "bad", "yes", "no" ... It is even likely that the child will resort to inventing things so that parents can be satisfied because we have obtained information .

Let's start from the basis that communicating with children is not always easy, mainly for two reasons:

- It is difficult for them to express an idea from beginning to end.

- They need more time to explain something to us.

Parents, in many cases we do not have the necessary patience to listen to the speech of our children from beginning to end, applying patience when they hesitate, stutter or do not explain things clearly.

You will agree with me that questioning is not the formula that we must put into practice to find out how the child did at school, at his friend's house or on the birthday to which he has been invited. But how do you reach them?

1. Find the right time: leaving school is not the best time to talk to them. The mess of backpacks, children, cars and parents waving does not provide a suitable climate to talk with the child.

2. Listen to him: Give your child your full attention when you are asking, and avoid those situations where you are cooking, driving, or making bed and can't even look into their eyes. Do you like that they don't pay your full attention when you are explaining something that has happened to you?

3- Share experiences: the conversation is not to be "question and answer" based. You can tell him how your day was, what difficulties you encountered, the good and the bad. In short, create a conversation for two.

4- Be patient: Connect with what your child is saying and forget for a moment the rest of the tasks you have to do. Let him speak, even if it takes time to express an idea.

5. Interact: nod, be amazed, be sad with him ... Live what he is telling you as if you had been there.

6- Avoid judgments: It is true that if he is telling that he has behaved badly with a child, we must teach him that he was bad, we should not judge everything he says because he will tend to avoid telling us his things.

7- Change the way you ask: avoid the typical and classic questions you ask every day such as "have you done all the exercises in class?", "have you been chatting with your partner?" ... All these questions have negative connotations and also recognize that they are boring. How about changing it to "Did you discover something interesting today? I would love to learn more things", or "If you were the teacher tomorrow, what things would you do in class and what not?" ...

Let's try to apply a bit of originality and fun to the talks with our children and less "police" practices.

You can read more articles similar to If you want your child to tell you things ... don't question him!, in the Dialogue and communication on site category.


Video: 7 Signs of a Toxic Family (September 2022).


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