How we know bullying or bullying it does not always come packaged in the form of verbal assaults and / or physical violence; there is an equally harmful and perhaps even more painful form that occurs gradually and silently and that we know as “social exclusion”.
This type of bullying is gradual and often difficult to detect. That is why the complaint of the victim is essential. We explain what exactly is silent bullying? That is, when a child uses social exclusion as bullying.
Social exclusion or silent bullying can basically consist of:
- Do not let a child or adolescent belong to a group.
- Ignore It.
- Make fun of or laugh at him.
- Make you feel inferior.
Unlike violent bullying, in which only a few participate, in social exclusion, although there may be a leader or initiator, it is always a group that tacitly or openly agrees to close the doors and shut out one or a few; that's what makes it even sadder.
If your child suffers an abusive situation like this, the ideal is that he can tell you about it, however, many times they prefer to keep it silent and deal with the situation alone; in this case you should be alert to these signs:
- He's sad or down.
- Complains of headaches or stomach aches frequently.
- Does not want to go to school or any after-school activity.
- Does not like to talk about school or any group in particular.
- Does not receive birthday or party invitations from other colleagues.
In the event that you suspect that your child may be going through this, talk, talk to him and let him know that he is counting on you; that is usually enough for me to tell you something about what happens. If it doesn't and you have suspicions, do not hesitate to go to school or the group where you think this has its origin. Ask the teachers or those responsible to inform you who his friends are, to observe him at recess and to inform you if they have detected any situation such as those described.
In the event that your child is living in a situation of exclusion, these are some measures you can take:
1. This is difficult, but as parents we must be objective and help our child to discover if there is any characteristic of your personality or behavior that generates a withdrawal of others.
2. If they manage to detect the cause, it is necessary to work on it, it is worth asking for the intervention of a specialist to help you overcome it, develop new social skills and integrate again with your groups of belonging.
3. Ask the school for support or to the place where this situation arises, asking them to generate some internal mechanisms that can reverse things, such as integrating it into teams with children who are well accepted and can serve as mediators, talking with those who exclude it to understand the situation and seek agreements, involve parents, etc.
4. Help you find activities that allow you to integrate with new groups; This can give you reassurance and help you through this difficult time.
5. Suggest activities for critical moments that prevent him from exposing himself to those who exclude him: find new friends in other groups, go to the library, approach teachers, etc.
6. Promote new friendships inviting them home, to the movies, for a walk, etc.
Social situations like this are one of the most difficult to reverse, however, if your child feels your support and your closeness, they will be able to overcome it much sooner.
On the other hand, if as a parent you have detected that your child is on the side of those who exclude:
- Talk to him and ask him the reason for his negative or exclusive attitude with a certain partner.
- help him to put yourself in someone else's shoes and to be sensitive to what that person feels every day. You can tell him anecdotes, stories and memories of you that will surely have a greater impact on him.
- If your child gives you compelling reasons why they are excluding someone, help him be able to see the other side of the coin and to develop new ways of solving the situation other than through exclusion.
No matter the cause, no one should ever be left out or feel like they don't belong. Let's work together to achieve it.
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