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Many parents cannot believe when the teacher or tutor says that their children almost do not get up from the table and have an almost exemplary behavior, when at home the opposite happens and they are all a toberllino and you have to be dealing with them all the time . Something similar happens when parents leave their children in the care of other relatives. Why do children behave better with grandparents than with parents? If this situation is familiar to you, we anticipate that we have found the answer to this question and we know how to change it. Attentive!
A few days ago, a very worried mother came to my office looking for help, because her 2 and a half year old son behaved very badly with her, something that did not happen when she left him with his grandparents. He also commented to me that his mother (the maternal grandmother) did not understand why he was complaining about the little one, if he was a very obedient, affectionate and calm child.
The mother told me that she had to work and that she left him in the care of her maternal grandparents. The first days she worried a lot, because she imagined that the child's behavior was going to be terrible, to the point that the grandparents could not control it, since with her most of the time the child had tantrums, screamed, cried a lot and was very disobedient .
But what was the surprise every time she went to look for him? The grandmother had no complaints about the child, on the contrary, she praised him saying how calm he was. What happened then that, back home, the little one began to have a bad behavior with her? (Apparently this behavior was repeated almost daily, even with the child's father as well)
During the time of the consultation, I was able to verify that the child was quite restless and disobedient with the mother, however with me he behaved very receptive and affectionate. And from the physical point of view, he was a preschool in very good general condition, with adequate growth and development.
I explained to the mother that this behavior was not unusual, especially in children whose parents work long hours and must be cared for by other people, especially grandparents. And it is the child did not behave badly to annoy or annoy them, but he did it to demand or request their attention, care, pampering, affection ...
For the child, the absence of the parents makes him feel alone, perhaps abandoned and that angers him, because he wants to be with them at all hours, there are even feelings of fear, imagining that he will never see them again. Hence, when reuniting with his parents, especially with his mother, he may be very upset, rebellious, disobedient and it is not that he is bad, but it is his way of expressing that something is not right for him.
On the other hand, with regard to grandparents, most are very permissive with grandchildren, allowing them actions or behaviors contrary to those authorized by the parents, especially at home.
At the same time, grandparents are very tolerant and patient, What the grandchildren like a lot, since the opposite is almost always the case with parents. It is not to justify them, but remember that they come from a work day of several hours, with many perhaps stressful situations, which produces a nervous tension that is sometimes difficult to control and if the child behaves restless or disobedient, many times they end up with A shout.
All this coupled with the fact that grandparents give their grandchildren a lot of pampering, attention and affection, which is very pleasant and appreciated by them, to the point that they manipulate them to get what they want, he explains. this difference in behavior depending on whether they are with their parents or with their grandparents.
I must make it clear that the child who misbehaves does not do so because he wants to harm his environment, but is a response to a situation that makes him uncomfortable and that for him requires the attention of his parents, for example, he does not want to be alone, he needs to his parents, he feels abandoned, he asks for love and care. What would be the recommendation, then? Here are some tips!
- Parents must recognize and understand the deficiencies you may feel or have the child and try to cover them during the time you are together.
- Talk to the child and explain why our absence during the day. In this way you will not feel abandoned or unloved, being normal feelings for that age.
- Chat with grandparents to limit permissiveness and excessive consent, that can provoke in the child a rebellion or a behavior of superiority with the parents.
- Also ask grandparents to avoid disavowing them, especially in front of the child, in the rules or orders issued by them.
- Give a lot of love and attention to the child, so that you feel loved and cared for always.
To conclude, I must emphasize that behind all bad behavior, there is a cause and parents will have to discover it and find the best possible solution, for the good of all.
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